This post may contain affiliate/referral links. It is a way for this site to earn advertising fees by advertising or linking to certain products and/or services.
Oh. My. GOODNESS! Ok, first of all, yes, I realize it has been over a year since I last posted. I’ve got a bunch of drafts saved up, but none are finished/have pictures/blah blah blah. I’ll work on it, but, SHEW! Life has been crazy! I don’t have much to say about 2019 except that I feel like it absolutely flew by. In Aug. 2019, I decided it was time to dust off the ballet and pointe shoes and head back to class. A few months later, I was teaching for the same studio! My heart is so full, and my soul is at peace. Dance is my first love, and I’m grateful to be back at it. Then… 2020 Arrived…
“2020 was supposed to be awesome…”
First off, let me say, can you believe 2019 was only like eight months ago?! I can’t be the only one who feels like it was way longer than that! Ok, so, how many of you were ready for 2020 to be your year? Yup! I can tell you that words like “2020 is going to be the best year ever!” were plastered all over my social media.
2020 arrived. It just felt like hit after hit and BAM… COVID-19 took over. And it just won’t go away! Now, social media is just a sea of sad/bad news that is NEVER ENDING! And I’m trying to do my part to add some light/happiness! But before I explain what I mean by that… A little backstory to explain why this is so important to me.
“Dear 2020, ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME!?”
I found a lump in my neck. But, I was dancing, and teaching and man(!) my body was still relearning how to move! I figured I’d just overstrained my neck, but it didn’t go away.
So, I saw my healthcare provider in February who suggested an ultrasound and a biopsy; she also referred me to an ENT (ear, nose, throat dr.) to get a 2nd opinion on the biopsy. During March alone, I maxed out my health insurance deductible and got the news.
It was papillary thyroid cancer. I had a 3 cm tumor on my thyroid and some smaller tumors in the lymph nodes in my neck.
My anxiety started to spiral, even though the ENT said, “It’s the kind of cancer you WANT to have…” um, maybe not the best choice of words since I don’t know of anyone who “WANTS” to have cancer. I called my mom, who called her best friend. A few days later, I was speaking with the Director of Surgical Oncology at the National Institutes of Health. We chatted and decided that her team was who I wanted to perform my surgery. Buuuuuuttttttt… Coronavirus. The country shut down— no traveling between states, no “non-emergency” surgeries. So, maybe in June?
Luckily, I didn’t have to wait that long. While the shutdowns were not easy, (Hi, I work for a BUNCH of small businesses… who, were hit incredibly hard and some didn’t qualify for the Paycheck Protection/Small Business Loans & Grants!) they proved to be pretty effective and I got a call at the beginning of May that my travel to the NIH for surgery was now allowed, so how about we do surgery on… May 27? WHOA! Okay yeah, let’s do it!
May 27, 2020 – Full Thyroidectomy, Central & Right Lateral
Cervical Lymph Node Dissection
Testing “Positive” for Cancer
So… Cancer. A word that could have forced my energy to go one of two ways. I could’ve let my anxiety perpetuate the notion that “I’m not going to be okay” and “I’m not going to survive”. OR I could choose that this diagnosis is just a chapter in my story, but it does not define me, it does not control me, and I’m going to come out of this whole situation healthy! Guess which I chose?
I chose to take control of myself, my situation, and make it a positive experience so that I could hopefully inspire someone else to break their negative energy cycle and focus on what’s good, in hopes that the more positive light we can put on scary medical situations, the less grim they become.
“What You Focus On Becomes Your Reality”
So, if you look that quote up on google, it’s credited to like 5 different people (at least). To whoever actually said it first, this is me giving you the credit! Let’s read into this quote a little bit. The more energy you put into ANYTHING the more it comes true for you.
Negative Energy, for example: Let’s say you had absolutely terrible service at a restaurant one time… and now every time someone mentions that restaurant you think or talk about how bad service was that one time. Someone suggests eating there and you roll your eyes, “Great can’t wait to see how bad service is THIS time…” you say to yourself. Guess what? YOU ARE CREATING THE BAD ENERGY THAT’S ABOUT TO CAUSE BAD SERVICE AGAIN… And then it’ll be bad every time. Until you break the cycle. And your bad energy, can also negatively impact others whether you realize it or not.
Positive Energy, for example: If you bought a money tree at the beginning of the year and put the mantra “money flows to me from multiple sources” on the planter. No matter what obstacles (ie. quitting your job, COVID, medical bills, etc) the more you focus on growing the money tree and repeating that mantra, your income can continue to grow! You’ve just gotta take the visual reminders of the growth of a money tree, and the mantra, and seeing the money continue to flow into your account and use them as consistent positive reinforcement to keep that cycle going! If you believe it to be so, so it will be.
2020 A Year to Be Grateful,
Practice Gratitude, Change the World
We are 8 months into 2020. This year has been tumultuous but I believe it’s being perpetuated by how much more time people are spending on social media where we are being BLASTED with bad news, sad news, and political posts. Let’s be honest no one likes election season because the other side -whichever that may be for you – posts the craziest/dumbest/worst stuff. And guess what kind of mood that puts you in? Uh-huh! GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. Do it for a day, a week a month, whatever! Take that time to focus and appreciate what’s good. Not sure how? Don’t worry I’ll give you so tips and examples of how I do it daily and especially during all my time in the hospital! Stay tuned for my next post. (Which I promise, is not a year away!)
